Tuesday, February 15, 2011

1 month old


Dear June Apple,

What a crazy first month all together! You sleep all the time and we have to wake you to feed you which isn't always easy. Its seems like we've tried everything, including dancing with you and singing to you and saying "HEY!!!!!" and you just sleep, sleep, sleep. We fed you like a little bird with a tiny 5 ml dropper, even after you insisted you'd had enough of Mama's milk. But the physician's assistant was worried that you weren't eating enough, even though I knew you and I were working it out. And sure enough, you'd had enough, so when we'd feed you with the dropper ( it would take an hour to feed you an ounce) you'd thank us by throwing it all back up. And you still gained weight. Mama learned 2 important lessons this month. #1- Trust our instincts. #2- Never hold a just fed baby over a pile of just cleaned laundry.

You swim in your preemie clothes that Aunt Joey sent us. You are so, so, small. You make little squeaks, so Papa calls you our Squirrel Girl.

These weeks we've just hunkered down and started to create US. Family.

You are so amazing.

This months stats:
January 18, 2011
weight: 4 pounds, 4 ounces
length: 18 inches
head circumference: 12 1/4 inches

February 15, 2011 (1 month old!)
weight: 5 pounds, 7 1/2 ounces
length: 18.5 inches
head circumference: 13 1/2 inches

Milestones: Nursing like a champ! Making squirrel noises. First visit to a bar to hear Papa play (3 days old). Held first set of drum sticks (3 days old). First stage appearance (8 days old).

Monday, February 14, 2011

The first weeks



The first weeks home with June Bug was a whirlwind, with many trips to the pediatrician and the lactation consultant, closely monitoring her weight. The day after we came home from the hospital, we were sent to get her frenulum clipped, because she was tongue tied. I had no idea what this was, but apparently its quite common, essentially occurring when the frenulum (the piece of skin that connects the tongue to the bottom of your mouth) is too short, thus effecting feeding, speech, and not to mention silly faces that involve sticking your tongue out (which you can't do when you're tongue tied). The procedure is pretty simple, but it involved the ear nose and throat surgeon sticking his finger in June Apple's mouth, holding out her tongue and cutting her frenulum, with NO ANESTHETIC. Oh, the humanity! The doctor assured me that there are very little nerves in the frenulum at her age. So I held her while he did it, and I cried, and she didn't. It is horrible to see your child's blood, even if its not a major injury. The weight of the world comes rushing at you and you realize so viscerally that your life is now not just yours. That drop of her blood made my heart an open gaping wound of love and fear and fierceness.



The first week home, her weight dropped to 4 pounds, 4 ounces and I got into a battle of will with the pediatrician's assistant, who insisted I bottle feed her, for at least 24-48 hours versus trying to breast feed her, because, for some reason, she thought, since her tongue was sore, she would be more inclined to take a bottle. Of course, this is not accounting for the fact that milk was literally louring out of me at this point and June Apple didn't have to work hardly at all to get milk. Giving her a bottle so soon made me sad, but I did want to make sure she was eating enough. And then the p.a. said something completely idiotic and wrong about breast milk, which then made me discredit everything she said before and since. And when I questioned her, she defended her faulty information, in a patronizing tone (even though we are roughly the same age), and sealed the deal with, "Listen, I just want to make sure Zoe is as healthy as she can be." Nice. I'm sure Zoe's mom appreciates that, wherever she is. Now back to June Apple.

*Note to professionals who deal with new mothers- Do not presume we are stupid and need to be told how to raise our children. Do not presume that we do not seek information from multiple sources. Do not presume that we won't call you out on your bullshit, just because you are a "professional" and therefore are must be the "higher authority." Do presume we want the best for our children. Do presume we will trust our instincts. Do presume we will seek help when we need it and take advice when its good. Oh, and make sure you get our kid's name right.

I did try to give her a bottle that day. And it sat in her bewildered mouth for over an hour and she ate nothing, and I cried, because I new that we both would rather be breastfeeding. So, we took a 3 hour nap. And then she latched on and ate and ate, and all was well. And that was that. So, needless to say, I demanded to only have June Apple seen by the pediatrician from there on out.

And a another note on one of my personal heroines: Andrea the Lactation Consultant. Oh, Andrea! How do I love thee? Let me count the ways....I knew I loved you since you first visited us in the hospital and you said I had perfect nipples. Straight to a girl's heart. June and I visited Andrea nearly every day for the first two weeks of her life. Andrea patiently and lovingly showed us the ropes, because, who knew? Breastfeeding is not instinctual for the mama or the baby. Its a skill we learned together. The first of many skills, I'm sure. When I was pregnant, I had several mothers tell me, "Oh, don't worry if you can't breastfeed. It was too hard for me." or "It just didn't work." I am so glad June and I stuck it out and Andrea showed us the WAY. Horray for Andrea! I HIGHLY recommend, if you haven't had a baby and you plan to someday, to find your own Andrea. She was, literally, a lifesaver. Oh, Andrea!