Sunday, December 26, 2010

Christmas Time is Here!



Well its been quite a festive time in the Hopkins Household this past week! As per doctor's orders, we decided to stay in Louisville for Christmas instead of driving up to Cincinnati, as we had originally planned. Mom came down on the 23rd and we, along with the help of some strapping carnivorous fellows, fixed a Christmas Eve feast that included wild turkey (slain by Amos) cooked by our friend Joe in a dutch oven over the fire pit, venison back strap (courtesy of Chuck) grilled over the fire, artichoke and green bean casserole (Amos' mom's recipe), mashed potatoes and gravy, fresh baked bread from Blue Dog Bakery, and a gorgeous (if I may say so myself) mixed berry pavlova that I made that was, well, out of this universe. The meal was AHHHHHH-ma-ZING!!!

Christmas morning, Mom made cinnamon rolls (as per Graves Family tradition) and Dad arrived just in time to indulge in their gooey goodness, as we opened presents and drank hot chocolate. Amos got me a really great camera that shoots still photos and HD video that I can keep in my bag to take pictures of Ms. Awesome on the fly. Right now we have a Nikon manual/digital camera that takes great photos but is kind of huge to always be lugging around, so this new camera will be perfect! Among the copious piles of presents we had under our tree this year, I also got some really nice PJs from Mom to wear in the hospital and some comfy shearling lined Crocs from Dad to pad around the house in. Excellent loot! Amos also got me some flannel pjs to wear after Awesome arrives. I tried them on to see if they fit yet. What do you think?



Dad brought a yummy spiral cut ham down with him and we had another amazing day of delicious food with leftovers from the night before, more fresh Blue Dog bread, and ham.

Oh, did I mention we went sledding? And by "we" I mean, Amos and Mom went sledding (with Rosco and Jake chasing them down the hill), while Dad and I watched from the top of the hill in Cherokee Park. So much fun! I can't wait until next year, when Ms. Awesome is not in utero and I can take a ride! I hope sledding on Christmas (as long as there's snow) becomes a tradition.


Mom takes a turn



Amos headed down with Rosco close behind.

Mom headed back to Cincy on Sunday afternoon and Dad stayed another night and we watched old movies and ate fondue (my favorite!) It was quite a delicious weekend!

Amos' mom, Bet, came on Monday evening and we went out for Indian food. I've heard that babies are predisposed to enjoy foods that they were exposed to during their mother's pregnancy, so I like to eat lots of spicy, garlicky, curried yumminess, so Awesome will like all the good stuff. Hope it works!

Today, we had a busy day. We had another appointment with one of our midwives, Beth, along with another ultrasound to make sure that the placenta isn't doing anymore acting up and that Awesome is still very cute. The good news is, the placenta seems to be behaving itself, and Awesome is still very, very cute (although there are some face shots of her that are kind of scary, in a skeletal sort of way.) Bet got to go with us, so she got see Awesome moving and shaking around, too! Based on the ultrasound, Awesome seems to be a bit tiny (in the 10th percentile) for her age, so I have orders to fatten her up in the coming weeks by eating higher caloric foods, especially protein, which will help her build muscle. Amos asked if exercise would help and Beth said, not really as this would burn calories. So I guess that means that the next few weeks will be filled with me sitting around and eating steak. Its a rough life. I am scheduled for another ultrasound in two more weeks to make sure she continues getting bigger. In the past two weeks she has gained about 7 ounces (according to the ultrasounds, which aren't necessarily exact), so she is growing, she just needs some more meat on her bones! Beth didn't seem too concerned, its just something to monitor over the coming weeks. Its kind of crazy, because when we got our first ultrasound at 20 weeks, we thought it would be the only chance we would get to have an Awesome preview, but since then we've had three more, with one again into weeks! Its nice to be able to check in with her and say, Hi!

After we left the midwife's office, Bet took us diaper back pack shopping. Knowing that there was a slim chance Amos would ever be caught dead lugging around a diaper bag, we decided to find a neutral, inconspicuous day pack that will actually hold more stuff than a regular diaper bag and will leave our hands free, as well. Amos fell in love with a camo print day back, but I had to put my foot down and insist on something that would suit both of us a little better than camouflage. We settled on a black North Face pack with lots of pockets, that I think will work great. While shopping we considered things like, 'Will this bag show puke stains easily?' and 'Is there a compartment we can dedicate to poop covered clothing?' I think we made a good choice.

So, all in all its been a fun, eventful, yet laid back week, spent surrounded by family and good friends. Tomorrow, I am headed to Cincinnati for a day for a baby shower thrown by one of my best friends, Britt and her mom, Chris. I am so excited, as a lot of my friends from high school whom I haven't seen in a long time are going to be there. Should be a lot fun, I just have to decide what to wear!


Week 34


Happy Holidays! Love, Katy, Amos, Rosco, Juliette Binoche and Awesome.


Dear Little Bear,

This time next year, you will have enjoyed your first visit from Santa! He proved this year that he does know where our house is on Pope Street and even sent one of his elves, Amrinder, to make sure that Papa and I were being good. You will get to meet Amrinder next year. He said he would be back.

Next year, you'll also get to go sledding (or at least watch us go sledding), which will be fun. I know you will love sledding when you get bigger. Its especially fun, because Rosco likes to race down the hill with you.

Do you like steak and milk shakes? I certainly hope so, because that's what we are going to be eating in the next couple weeks. Its time to pudge you up so you can be a roly poly just like Papa and I were when we were babies. Papa, your grandma, Bet, and I all got to see you today. Several times you were looking straight at us. Its too bad that we can see you, but you can't see us. Soon enough! 2011 is days away, which means that you will soon be here! We are so excited.

Merry Christmas, Little Bear.

Papa and I love you very much.

Love,

Mama

Wednesday, December 22, 2010

Blessings


Week 33

When I'm worried and I can't sleep
I count my blessings instead of sheep
And I fall asleep
Counting my blessings - Irving Berlin

With Christmas in our midst and the past couple week's events still settling in, I have been reflecting more and more on life and its blessings. I've been thinking, even before the scare last week of what it truly means to be a parent and all the uncertainties that are carried with such an immensely wonderful honor. Parenting, like marriage, or rather like any great love you have in your life, opens your heart and soul to its greatest vulnerability. By allowing our hearts to be open we inevitably accept the very real vulnerability of life's preciousness and fragility. Some things in life, including the lives of those we love, are outside the realm of our power. Nothing can keep them perfectly and completely safe. Even if you do everything right and take the greatest precautions, there are always risks and unexpected turns. And that is scary. But all you can do is live your life to its fullest and greatest potential and love to the greatest extent of your being.



Dear Little Bear,

You have been such a blessing from the moment I knew you were with me. Life will be filled with many unexpected turns and I have no way of predicting all the many adventures we will have together and all the journeys you will take on your own.
Papa and I promise to make you feel safe and cherished, always. We promise to instill in you a love and thirst of the unknown and to be fearless in the face of possibility. We also promise to raise you to love openly and to the greatest extent of your being.

Papa and I love you very much.

Love,

Mama

Sunday, December 19, 2010

Whoa, That Was Close

Well, its been crazy week, to say the very, very least. The week started out gravy, with classes and finals winding down, a Christmas party on Dec. 11 with school friends, going shopping for a Christmas tree, and baking all day Sunday for a cookie exchange with the other GA's in my office.

Monday, Dec. 13th, I went into work/school and took my very much dreaded multivariate statistics exam. It was stressful and yucky, but after it was over I was comforted by the fact that I was officially finished with stats requirements for the rest of my academic career. After the exam, I drove to Angela's house for book club (this month's selection: Geek Love, by Katherine Dunn) and circus themed food (deep fried oreos!!!). When I first got to Angela's, I was still detoxing from the stress of the exam and lay on her living room floor, relaxing and letting the semester melt away. My friend Kim was there and gave me two very sweet, yet very tiny little baby hats she had knit for Awesome, and we laughed about how small they were (they barely covered my fist).

***Disclaimer- this gets messy*****
I got home around 10:30 or so and felt like Awesome was really pushing up against my ribs while I was sitting up, so I decided to stretch out on the couch to see if that gave her more room. Soon after lying down, my lower back and stomach started REALLY hurting, and I thought I may have eaten something circus-themed that didn't sit well with me. The thought that I might be having contractions briefly went through my mind, but the pain didn't come and go, it just stayed there, so I wasn't really 'contracting.' I decided I might feel better if I just went to bed. After laying down for a minute, I got back up because I needed to throw up, which only further confirmed my belief that I had a stomach bug or something. After that, I was able to fall asleep pretty quickly.

At 2:45 am, I woke up and thought that I was about to pee my pants. As soon as I stood up, I felt a gush and rushed to the bathroom, where I quickly discovered I was bleeding. I yelled for Amos and we were out the door, and ten terrifying minutes later, I was in the ER of Clark Memorial Hospital.

As soon as I got there, I was sent to Labor and Delivery, where they were quickly able to find Ms. Awesome's heartbeat and know that she was happy as a little clam and none the wiser to the chaos that was going on around her. I, however, was experiencing a placental abruption, where the placenta starts to pull away from the uterine lining and causes bleeding. The nurses and doctors were unable to tell how serious it was and there was a possibility that I was going to have to undergo an emergency c-section. The good news was Awesome was doing just fine, and my water hadn't broken. I was, however, having pretty regular contractions (1-2 minutes apart) and continued to bleed. An ultrasound was unable to determine the location or severity of the abruption, but again confirmed that Awesome was doing wonderfully, considering.

Although I was stable, by 11 am Tuesday, I was still bleeding a bit, so the doctor decided to have me transferred to Norton's Hospital in Louisville (Clark is just over the bridge in Indiana), so that, if I did end up having to deliver, I would be at a hospital that had a neonatal intensive care unit. At almost 33 weeks, were Awesome to be born, she would be fine, but small, and would probably need some help breathing and eating the first week or so. Maybe those hats that Kim knit would be coming in handy sooner than we thought!

By the time I got to Norton's, (Tuesday afternoon) my bleeding had tapered off, as had my contractions (which they think were just my body's reaction to trying to stop the bleeding). After a very uncomfortable day and night hooked up to an IV and several fetal monitors in Norton's Labor and Delivery ward, I was able to 'graduate' Wednesday, to the Antenatal unit for monitoring.They gave me a couple shots of steroids that would help mature her lungs, in case she did end up coming early, although it was looking less and less likely that she would be making an appearance. They continued to monitor both Awesome and I, and by Wednesday morning my bleeding and contractions had completely stopped. The doctors wanted to continue to observe me, in case anything changed, and luckily, nothing did. They talked about wanting to keep me for observation until I was 34 weeks (Dec 23rd), in case I needed to deliver there. At 34 weeks, I will be far enough along to deliver at Clark (which is my hospital and where my midwife is based out of). In the end, thankfully, they decided I could go home Friday morning, as long as I took it easy and came back if there were any changes. My mom drove down Thursday night and was able to help Amos and I through the weekend. And so, I've been home for a couple days now, and am feeling good, and Awesome is still kicking around, and hopefully, all is well.

Everything is still, somewhat up in the air, and there are a lot of unanswered questions, as to why this all happened. All of the risk factors (cocaine use, poor nutrition, alcohol and cigarette use, among them) were absent. I hadn't fallen or been in a car accident, which can sometime cause an abruption, so the best answer I have gotten from the docs is that sometimes, unexplainable shit just happens. I'd like to blame it on my stats exam, but the doctors said no. Amos thinks its because Awesome is such a feisty little kicker that she just kicked something loose. Again, the doctors said that was highly unlikely. So who knows?

So here is the great news: Awesome and I are doing fine. I'm home. She didn't have to be delivered. I'm not on a bunch of crazy drugs, and neither is Awesome. I have to take it easy but am not on bed rest.

Here is the news that's a bit more ambiguous: We don't know why it happened, and whether it will happen again. According to the doc, they can't put a number on the odds of it happening again, just that its more likely that it could happen again, than if it hadn't happened at all. If it does happen again, I will have to deliver her. And if I can hold out until the 23rd, I will most likely be able to have her at Clark, a hospital environment that I like much, much better than Norton's because she will be far enough along to do well there.

Docs were also unable to tell me whether or not I would be able to carry her to 40 weeks. One doctor said he thought it would be unlikely and that she would probably come around week 36 or 37. Another doc said it was quite possible I'd make it until 40 weeks. Since I would like her to stay in there as long as possible, so she has plenty of room to grow strong and more awesome, and I like the idea of her having a February birthday (far enough away from Christmas not to get shafted), I'm going to move forward with the belief that she is in it for the long haul.

Another bit of ambiguity is whether or not I will be able to come to Cincy again before she arrives. The doctors didn't want me driving up there for Christmas, so soon after being released from the hospital, so our immediate family is going to head this way for the holiday. We'll have to wait and see about travel after that, I guess.

More than anything, I am so lucky to be healthy and to have a healthy baby. Amos has been wonderful from the moment I woke him in a panic to get me to the hospital, to bringing me a poinsettia and Christmas movies to make my hospital room feel more Christmas-y, to loving me and treating me so wonderfully. It was also fantastic to have my mom here cooking, doing laundry and doing dishes, all while doing that Mom thing that she does so so well. The doctors, nurses and support staff at both Clark and Norton's were fantastic and I always felt like I was in capable hands. They all took the time to answer my questions the best they could. I really appreciate how well the two hospitals supported each other and did not seem to give me competing advice. Although we didn't tell many people (we wanted to wait until we knew what was happening), those friends and family who did know were awesome, calling and checking in, making sure to be available if we needed anything, filling my hospital room with beautiful flowers, and sending lots of thoughts and prayers our way. Thank you, everyone for making us all feel so, so loved. It made this whole scary experience a little less scary and overwhelming, knowing that I had the support of everyone.

This week has been crazy and overwhelming and I am glad to be home, safe and sound. This week it is my goal to take it easy and try an inject as much holiday spirit into the week, even though I won't be able to run around doing my last minute Christmas shopping marathon. All this rest and relaxation has meant that I have gotten to see about 10 movies, including White Christmas, A Christmas Carol, Miracle on 34th Street, Home Alone 2, Toy Story 3 and Pineapple Express (a perennial holiday favorite).

So, that's about all for now. I will see Beth, our midwife, tomorrow and hopefully, everything will continue to look promising. I will be sure to post updates as they come.


Dear Little Bear,

Mama had a scary week! I hope and pray that you had no idea what was going on and were just wondering why I have been lying around so much. While I would have been more than happy to meet you face to face this week, I am very glad you decided to hold out a little longer. One exciting part of the week was that Papa and I got to see you on the ultrasound (twice!) and you are still so so cute! And, apparently very hairy! The ultrasound tech cracked up at how much hair was waving around on you beautiful noggin and even took a picture of all your gorgeous luscious locks! Between Papa and I, its no surprise you have the mane you do! You also looked a little crowded in my tummy, which means you are getting bigger and bigger everyday! Your knees were tucked in and your hands were up by your mouth. I hope you are sucking your thumb and not biting your fingernails. Take it from me, that is a hard habit to break. I also saw why I have to pee every 30 minutes. Your little head loves to press press press right up against my bladder. You silly bear! I didn't know I could go to the bathroom so much, until you came around! The ultrasound tech also had me guess how much you weighed, and guess what?! I was EXACTLY right! You weigh 3 pounds 7 oz!

So, despite all the drama of the week, I hope you keep on staying your happy, healthy, Awesome self and that you continue to grow bigger and stronger everyday, inside my tummy, until it seems like a good time to come out and great the world. Keep those kicks coming, because they are wonderful reminders that you are doing great and that I don't need to worry about you.

I can't wait to hold you and am so glad that we made it through our first scary moment together, safe and sound.

Papa and I love you very very very very very very much.

Love,

Mama

Wednesday, December 8, 2010

Glamour Shots

Okay, so I've been thinking about those maternity portraits that have become common place these days. Now, let me be clear, I obviously see the value in documenting my growing waistline, and if I could have a better, more creative photographer take my picture every week, I would. And I have been tossing around the idea of having some pics taken of Amos and I to mark this auspiscious time in our lives, so that we can show Awesome some day and say, "Look how big and happy Mama was! Look how rested Papa looks! Look how swollen Mama's fingers were! Don't ever forget the sacrifices we made for you!" Starting documentation for later parental guilt is always a good idea.

However, I must say, some of these maternity portraits are borderline creepy, and or cheesy, and or ridiculous. Maybe its just me. I know the pictures can be beautiful and look very natural and I think I would like that. Perhaps its the posing that I don't like. For some reason, I find the pictures of fathers on their knees, face to their wives rotund bellies, with silly grins, slightly unnerving:



Or the cheesy hands-making-a heart over the pregnant belly shot. It was probably a stroke of genius the first time someone figured out that gem of a pose, but now....its just....



My fear is if we decided to get some pics taken it would be similar to the time my mom and I thought it would be hi-larious to go to the mall and have Glamour Shots taken of us, being overtly cheesy, and give them, as a gag gift, to my dad for Christmas. Well, lets just say that the staff of Glamour Shots were not in on the joke, and we came away with 150 prints of Mom and I in cowboy hats and off the shoulder boas blowing kisses at the camera, and looking like we took ourselves WAY TOO SERIOUSLY. I wish now that those pictures could have been burned on the spot. I can't even laugh at them they are so painfully awkward. So, while I would love to have pictures taken, by a great photographer, I fear it may be a Glamour Shots repeat, and I would never forgive myself (or at least my vanity wouldn't) Here are some examples of what I fear, courtesy of one of my favorite websites, www.awkwardfamilyphotos.com:



And for the outdoorsy types (like Amos and I):



I have not ruled out a photo session. But its going to have to be with the right photographer, and I don't think I will wear a cowboy hat or a boa this time.

I officially can get into the Christmas spirit, as Amos' birthday was Sunday (December 5th), and for me, that's when I give myself permission to crank up the Kris Kringle! Today I found myself wondering if it was too early to start decorating the house with kid-related items. Is it too early to invite an Elf on a Shelf into the house? Can I leave a plate of cookies and a glass of milk out for Santa this year, just so he knows where we are for the coming years? Can I go sit on Santa's lap this year and insist he listen to Awesome's wish-list via fetal monitor?

While I am excited about the years of kid-filled Christmases ahead of us, I am also trying to treasure our last Christmas together, just the two of us. Our friends Brett and Jess, similarly pregnant during Christmas this time last year, celebrated the holiday in a condo in Hawaii, just the two of them. Hmmmm....that would be nice. Alas, I don't see tropical sands and crystal blue waters in our near fiscal future. I did suggest to Amos that we could, as a substitute, spend a long weekend at that indoor water park off 1-71. That's second-best, right? Fingers crossed.

Speaking of glamor shots, here is week 31's picture. She's quite the little bundly ball of joy!



Dear Little Bear,

I went out today to do a little Christmas shopping and was so tired after the first stop. You must really be needing my energy, because I am getting more and more sleepy during the day. Not to mention that I have to get up every 45 minutes during the night to pee, and when I stand up it feels like you drop a balling ball on my bladder. Last night it felt like you were shimmying and shaking your groove. What were you doing? Sometimes all your moving around keeps me awake, mostly because I lie there trying to imagine what you look like and what kind of personality you have. As much as I love sleeping, I really love our late night rendezvous. Papa and I wish that we had another ultrasound, so that we could watch and see how much you've grown, but at the same time, we like the idea of holding off until your big debut in a couple months!

I can't wait until school is over next week, so I can rest more and you can do some more growing.

Papa and I love you very much.

Love,

Mama

Thursday, December 2, 2010

Birth Fairies and Finals

Ughh. Finals. I am so tired. See?



Rosco lies awake and contemplates the meaning of life and I sleep. Sweet, sweet, slumber. I take it where I can.

Remind me why I decided that it would be a good idea to take all the classes I had been dreading (multivariate statistics, anyone?) this semester before Awesome comes. I know, I know, that it will all be worth it two weeks from now when its all over and I am basking in the holiday glory of the semester being over, but now- UGH. The truth is I have been ready for this semester to be over before midterms. Of course, I'm sure the impending arrival of our sweet girl doesn't help me stay focus. I am TRYING to be in the moment and get everything done, but I'm just so....over it. Here is a picture, week 30, of what finals does to me:



Speaking of class, Amos (also known as the Greatest Husband On Earth), we have been to two birthing classes so far and Amos has only said, "Oh my fucking God" under his breath once! And that was only after the teacher asked us if we knew what "birth fairies" were. Apparently there are birth fairies, who come and visit women in childbirth and throw a kink in everything. Huh. Who knew? Now we do. Apparently, I am also a "birth warrior" who has permission to "howl like a wolf" whenever I feel the urge! Okay, so the class can be a bit out there sometimes. And we have to sit on the floor the entire two hours, because birth is uncomfortable and we should be prepared for that. But, we are learning some good stuff, and the teacher is a midwife who clearly knows what she's talking about when it comes to labor and birth. And I am glad we are taking the class. And I am thankful that Amos is coming with me. And that he calls me his "Little Birth Warrior" now. I am woman, hear me howl!



Dear Little Bear,

I am getting so excited for school to be over in a couple weeks so I can start getting the house ready for your arrival! Right now we don't even have a place for your clothes, let alone your little body! So we've got some rearranging and purging to do. We've got so many great friends and family who have been offering and showering us with so many things to get ready for you. We already have a crib, a bassinet, a swing, lots of sweet clothes, and a cradle made by your Papaw that your Papa slept in when he was a little bear!

You kicked my ribs today and it hurt. Be careful, okay? Mama loves you, but I also love my body and would like it not be bruised. I promise to do more stretching in the coming in weeks, so that you feel like you have more room in there. But go easy on the ribs.

Papa and I love you very much.

Love,

Mama