Trained

Our pets, Rosco P. Coltrane and Juliette Binoche, are our children. They are our "first borns." I wonder if they make t-shirts for cats and dogs that say, "I'm the Big Brother" or "I'm the Big Sister." If not, they should. I would buy them. These animals have me wrapped around their paws. Its true. This is how I knew I had a problem:

This is Juliette.


Three nights ago at approximately 4:36am, Juliette started scratching on the bed by my head. Okay, so I could choose to ignore her, but I am in a sleeping phase right now that when I wake up (which I do about 6 times a night) I immediately have to pee a gallon. Also, if I am awake for too long, I can't fall back asleep for another hour or two (after several more trips to the bathroom). So, ignoring Juliette doesn't work, because the mere fact that I am awake means I have to get up anyway to trek to the bathroom, and if I just lie there waiting for her to stop, I will end up not being able to fall back asleep and will be VERY disgruntled. So needless to say, when she starts to scratch, as she does EVERY night, at approximately 4:36, I shoot up out of bed and attend to her. Now, for several weeks, when she scratched at the bed, she wanted to let out the back door (which is in our bedroom). Sometimes, she would insist to be let out the front door (the back door was too low class for her, I guess). But, now, the charade goes something like this: I get up to let her out and open the door and instead she goes to her food bowl, because all of a sudden, she is, apparently, famished. I then go to the bathroom and WAIT for her to finish eating, and then when she is ready, in her own precious time, I let her out. So a couple of nights ago, I am curled up at the foot my bed (getting back into bed and situated with all my pillows is too involved), trying not to fall back asleep, as I know she will be waking me up any second, but also trying not to wake up too much, while she chomps away in the next room, taking her own damned sweet time. Now you rational people out there may say, "Katy, you are being silly. Throw her out the back door and forget about her!" And to you I say, "But if I throw her out before she is done eating she will surely starve to death on the streets, or turn to whoring, and I can't be responsible for that!" Of course, she probably wouldn't starve, what's a more likely reality is that 30 minutes later I will hear a *scratch scratch meow* at the door because SOMEONE is hungry and didn't get to finish her meal. By the way, to prove the true extent of this cat manipulation, Juliette has been waking me up in the middle of night since she was a kitten, 9 YEARS AGO. Its a sickness, I know. Perhaps, I will have to resort to the trusty spray bottle, which sends chills of terror down her spine when she eyes it, but makes me feel like a very bad mommy. If only she could have a star chart and I could reward her for a week of good behavior. No such luck, I think.

And then there is Rosco, also known as Amos' first love.


We bought a king size bed to accommodate Rosco, because he needs at least half of it to be comfortable. Did I mention that he prefers to have his head on a pillow (or under one) and be under the blankets. Yeah.


Oh and don't forget the fact that Amos prefers to sleep diagonally on the bed, and when Juliette is not demanding to eat or be let out, she's on there too. This picture was taken when I got up to go to the bathroom one morning. None of their positions shifted when I got up, so try and imagine where my pregnant, 5'9" self sleeps:


So where does that leave me? Curled up and shivering in the corner of my bed wondering what's wrong with this picture. Oh and by the way, Rosco has his own queen size bed in his own bedroom that he spends all day in. However, this room will soon be changed into a nursery and his bed will longer be there. Oh, the humanity!

It may be a bad sign of whats to come that our pets have me trained to do ridiculous things for them. If I can't say no to a dog and a cat, how will I possibly say no to a child?!

Anyway, here is my week 24 shot.




Dear Little Bear,

We hope that you love animals as much as we do. Papa has a special gift of getting little wild animals to eat out of his hand, a skill he learned from his Mamaw. He also likes to make animal calls on his fiddle. When I was a little girl, I lived on a farm and had circus and all of my animals were a part of it. This was my first lesson in "herding cats." You will probably learn that lesson, too, someday. We hope that your life will be filled with lots of soft furry creatures for you to love and play with, as our lives always have. But be careful, those sweet animals work their way into your heart and you can't let go. You'll see.

Mama and Papa (and Rosco and Juliette) love you very much,

Love,

Mama