Securely Attached

I have been meaning to comment on the recent hub bub over the Time Magazine cover that pictured a woman breastfeeding her 3 year old, with the headline, "Are You Mom Enough?" The cover photo was, in the very least sensational, and proved to be effective in sparking conversation and controversy about the practice of attachment parenting. Many people seem to misunderstand attachment parenting and think that its about being tied to your children forever and creating a family environment that lacks boundaries. Some misinformed critics say that the promotion of attachment parenting leads to the further oppression of women, pressuring them to sacrifice themselves for the sake of their children and putting their children's needs above all else. This has not been my experience. While I am sure that there are parents who interpret the attachment parenting philosophy and transform it into its extreme forms. Just as there are parents on the opposite end of the spectrum who take the notion of "sleep training" their babies to the extreme, and never go to their children when they cry in the night, for fear that they will ruin their child's ability to "self-soothe." The truth is being a parent, and perhaps especially, a mother, is a nerve-wracking, vulnerable, scary and exhilarating experience. We all are in search of "the right way". Or perhaps just simply, what will screw our kids up the least?

I've had the privilege of sharing in the intimate lives of many, many families over the years. I began babysitting at age 11, worked as a full-time nanny or au pair on and off throughout my twenties and more recently, as a child and family therapist. And of course there are all the wonderful friends and family members whose lives I have shared and participated in their journey into the parenting abyss. Countless times I have had the honor of bearing witness to that look in a new mother's eyes that look at me and say, "Holy Cow! I can't believe someone expects me to know what to do!" And I saw how they, as perhaps we all do, long for the answers, long to be able to figure it out, to achieve family bliss. 


When we became new parents, I came in with the advantage of knowing about a lot of the technical "baby care taking" stuff. But of course, being a parent is much more than knowing about swaddling and diapers. Parenthood, thus far, has been similar to what I know many parents experience when they have a baby- periods of triumph and joy amidst stumbling blindly through a sea of the unknown. One of our biggest guiding forces in knowing what to do is following our intuition and hearts. Everyone around us has a well-intentioned opinion based on, usually, what worked for their family. And what we are always trying to do is stay true to finding what works for OUR family. And it may be different than what other families do, and it may not be something that worked for other parents, but we are committed to do what feels right, and what makes us all happy.


For us, we found ourselves practicing attachment parenting, partly out of necessity (more on that coming up) and mostly out of, simply, what felt right. Over the next few weeks, I will talk about what that looks like in our family, focusing mainly on the Three B's of Attachment Parenting: Breastfeeding, Babywearing, and Bedsharing.


In the meantime, here's a pic of me at 29 weeks:

Dear Baby Bear,

It still feels so unreal that you are are going to be here. As you grow bigger and bigger and my belly gets bigger and bigger, I know your going to be in our lives before we know it. Your sister, June Apple, has been practicing her big sister skills on her stuffed animals, which she calls, "My Babies." She likes to tuck them in at night, by putting pillows over them. We promise to refine her tucking in skills before you come, to make sure there are no pillows on top of you! I think she will be so excited when she meets you and give you lots and lots of hugs and kisses.

Your big sister, Papa and I love you so much.

Love,

Mama